| Brief Guide to Coping with a Death in your Family |
| A death in the family is almost always accompanied by a period of great emotional turmoil. The last thing that the bereaved wish to face is complications. But there are a number of duties and responsibilities that they must perform: not only the funeral arrangements, and all the choices that this implies, but also formalities, in particular the official registration of the death. For the bereaved, there is some comfort in knowing that society has created a structure to help them to cope with death, and to see them through their obligations at this difficult time. |
| When should we contact the funeral director? |
| No one is obliged to hire a funeral director (undertaker) to organise a funeral, but there is a distinct advantage in doing so: funeral directors are skilled professionals, who can steer the bereaved through the entire process. They know the options that are available, the choices that need to be made, and the formalities that have to be completed. So it is a good idea to contact a funeral director as soon as the death is confirmed. |
| Choosing a funeral director |
| Funeral directors often work in family-run businesses, some of which have been handed down through many generations. They may be independent, or part of large group. Whatever the case, by and large they share the same high standard of professionalism. However, each has its own style. Given that a funeral is a highly personal event, taking place at a time of great sensitivity, it is important that the funeral director that you choose offers the kind of service (in terms of communication and presentation) that you need. You could approach, say, three funeral directors to compare their services and prices; alternatively, if you do not wish to 'shop around', ask for recommendations from friends, neighbours, relatives or other contacts (for example, your GP). There are two professional associations for funeral directors in the UK, which underpin the high standards of their members through a code of practice: the National Association of Funeral Directors (NAFD; www.nafd.org.uk), and the Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors (SAIF; www.saif.org.uk). |
| Costs |
| Funeral directors should be able to offer estimates of costs from the outset. Funerals are never cheap, but they do not have to be extravagant. Total costs usually start at somewhere just under £1000, but can cost many thousands of pounds. Note that whoever hires a funeral director to conduct a funeral is responsible for paying the bill; however, the costs can often be paid out of the deceased's estate. Those in receipt of social security benefits may be able to receive financial assistance from the Social Fund. |
| Medical Certificate of Death |
| The first formality to be completed after a death is the doctor's certificate, which establishes the cause of death. If the death occurs at home, or at a nursing home, a doctor must be called. If it occurs in a hospital, nursing staff will call the next-of-kin and make arrangements for the certificate. Obtaining a Medical Certificate of Death should present no problems if the cause of death is clear. For a sudden and unexpected death, however, the cause of death may be more difficult to establish. It may require an investigation by a coroner (in Scotland, a procurator fiscal) and possibly a post-mortem, which will usually take place at a hospital mortuary; these are standard procedures, and you will be guided through the process by the authorities. |
| Where the body goes |
| Once the Medical Certificate of Death has been issued, the body of the deceased can be transferred by the funeral directors to their premises. The funeral directors will liaise with hospitals about this transfer. If relatives wish to view the body at the funeral parlour, undertakers can prepare the body and arrange for it to viewed in their chapel of rest. It should be noted that relatives can, if they wish, keep the body at home prior to the funeral; this was the practice in the past, but has become far less common today. |
| Contacting a solicitor |
| It is advisable to contact the family solicitor as soon as possible after a death, to check whether the deceased has drawn up a will, and whether the will stipulates any preferences for funeral arrangements. In addition, the solicitor can advise you about legal obligations, such as the registration of death, as well as other matters that may need to be attended to. Broadly speaking, solicitors (like funeral directors) can play an invaluable role in making things run smoothly by knowing their part in the process, and directing you to the next stage. |
| Registering a death |
| All deaths have to be formally registered with a Registrar of Births, Deaths and Marriages within five days (this can be extended only if a coroner's report is pending, in which case the certification process is slightly different); eight days are allowed in Scotland. The local authority can tell you where to find your local registrar, or you can consult www.direct.gov.uk. Certain documents will be required for this registration, the most important of which is the Medical Certificate of Death. Also helpful (if available) are the deceased's birth certificate, marriage certificate and National Heath Service medical card. On completion of the formalities, the registrar will issue a green Certificate for Burial or Cremation; the funeral cannot take place without this - nor indeed can the date of the funeral be confirmed until this certificate has been issued. The registrar will also issue a Certificate of Registration of Death (Death Certificate); it is a good idea to get several officially-authenticated copies of this certificate, as it may well be required as proof of death for legal and financial purposes. (The certification process is slightly different in Scotland.) |
| Burial or cremation? |
| This choice may or may not have been made by the deceased. If not, the executor of the will or the next of kin will have to decide. Funeral directors can offer advice, but the choice may be limited to whatever is available. Essentially, bodies have to be either cremated or buried (which includes burial at sea). The place and circumstances of disposal are controlled by law, but considerable latitude is permitted. Ashes, for instance, can be scattered in a public place, interred in a family gravesite, or kept in the home. Another option, which is becoming increasingly popular, is the ecologically friendly 'natural burial'; see the website of the Natural Death Centre, www.naturaldeath.co.uk |
| Funeral arrangements |
| Even greater latitude is permitted for funeral ceremonies. Basically, you can do what you like. Conventional funeral ceremonies, based on religious traditions, offer the comfort and elegance of time-honoured patterns. Even here, various options can be considered. For instance, if the deceased is to be cremated, a service can take place in a church, followed by a more private service at the crematorium; alternatively, the cremation can take place first, followed by a memorial service in a church. But some people may feel that a non-religious ceremony is more appropriate. The British Humanist Association offers guidance on how to organise a religion-free funeral: see www.humanism.org.uk |
| Letting people know |
| The bereaved should do their best to let as many people as possible know about the death. This usually means telephoning close relatives, friends and work colleagues; they can in turn help by passing on the news, especially if asked to do so. One traditional way of reaching a broader public is to put an announcement in a national or local newspaper. Printed announcements can also be mailed to everyone in the deceased's address book. It is important, above all, that those who might wish to attend the funeral are informed. |
| Who else should be informed |
| Various authorities, businesses and institutions also need to be informed about the death. These include insurance and pension companies, the social services, the tax authorities, the local authority (for Council Tax), banks, building societies and other financial institutions, utility companies, any business receiving direct debit payments or standing orders, professional associations, and so on. A passport or driving licence should be returned to the relevant authorities, and car registration papers need to be altered to show changed ownership. This task may look mountainous, but common sense will be a good guide as to whom should be contacted, and the priorities; less obvious candidates will reveal themselves through standing orders in bank accounts and through the post over a relatively short period of time. |
| A death abroad |
| When someone dies in a foreign country, the first thing to do is to contact the Foreign Office in the UK, or consular officials in the country in question (see www.direct.gov.uk). You will be then guided through the procedures. Most important of all, the death must be registered in the country in which the death has occurred. If the deceased was covered by travel insurance, the insurance company will also be able to help and can make the appropriate arrangements for the repatriation of the body, if desired. Alternatively, you can make arrangements through UK funeral directors. |
| Ten-point checklist for funerals |
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| Disposal of possessions |
| How the deceased's estate is divided is governed by the will. Such matters will be settled by the solicitor appointed to handle the will, and the executors. The process will, inevitably, take some time, even if the will is quite clear. If the deceased has not made a will (is 'intestate') the process takes even longer; the distribution of possessions is then governed by law, based on a hierarchy of family relationships. |
| Bereavement |
| It is only natural that a death should cause profound grief and a deep sense of loss. This can be overwhelming at the time of death, but often the imperatives of organising a funeral - and the comfort of friends and relatives - can carry the bereaved through the immediate aftermath of a death. Several weeks or months later, when others have returned to their own lives and preoccupations, the sense of loss can seem even more profound. There are a number of organisations, as well as individuals, who can help the bereaved to cope with their loss. They include the well-established charity Cruse Bereavement Care: www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk |
| Further help |
| All deaths are unique, and are shaped by personal circumstances. If you encounter difficulties in making arrangements, in the formalities, in legal or financial matters, you can seek help from the Citizens Advice Bureau: www.adviceguide.org.uk. |
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